


Music Gang Ruins the Multiverse

by Jarl_Draven



Category: Helltaker (Video Game)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:48:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28136463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jarl_Draven/pseuds/Jarl_Draven
Summary: The Music Gang have died and broken into Hell, only it’s the most chaotic amalgamation of every ‘verse’s Hell ever. Watch as they use their newly found powers to kill demons and get Waifu’s
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: We don’t own recognisable content.**

~[o0o]~  
  


Humanity has a skewed perception of their own considerations. Hell, for instance, was a realm that was almost universally described as a dimension wreathed in hellfire and composed with the choir of countless infernal symphonies performed by tortured souls.

However, in a stark contrast to the collective thoughts of humanity, you would not expect to see eleven people riding motorcycles - _well, one sitting down in a sidecar_ \- down one of the many highways to hell like they were in some second-rate cinematic action movie, all while they blasted Russian Doomer Music and cracked open cold ones like it was going out of style.

But here they were, barreling over the uncountable hordes of blasphemous demons with only their Harley’s and some unopened soda cans.

At the front of the crowd of motorcycles, however, was a regular-looking bike whose bumper was slightly crusted with the crimson blood of demons. Sitting on the top of this bike was a blonde-haired man wearing a closed helmet - _driving laws always matter, even in Hell_ \- who was sipping a Pepsi. Sipping a Pepsi, with a _closed helmet?_ What an absolute mad-lad.

“Fuck you, Coca-Cola. What makes you think I want to get high on cocaine when I’m trying to break into Hell?” The man uttered under his own breath, but loudly enough that the motorist next to him, Alien, could hear.

“A-men, brotha!” The brown-haired man cheered, going to down his Pepsi when his bike caught onto something. Looking down, he saw that he had crushed a small frog-like creature baked in the scorching sun of the underworld, who had also been looking at him with scorn and mouthing what seemed to be racial slurs. Ass.

Kicking the demon off his axel with his foot, he accelerated forwards into a horde of demons just as the man from earlier, Draedon, _blurred._

Appearing behind a particularly tall demon, he kicked it in the neck and proceeded to repeat this process on the other demons with haste. His special ability, one he had obtained upon death, gave him the ability to teleport constantly while still conserving his momentum. In theory, as long as it was not detrimental to his health, he could get more powerful as his momentum increased.

It was only after a few short seconds of fighting that he teleported back into the seat of his motorcycle and went onwards with the rest of the eleven-man gang.

“Anyone know how close we are to the actual entrance? We’ve been at this for, what, an hour now? My feet might kill me before the demons do.” Draedon asked.

“Dude, we’re on a highway connecting Earth to fucking _hell itself_ . What were you expecting? A convenient hour-long ride past fields of rainbows and sunflowers? It will probably be another- _oh you have to be shitting me._ " Shand said.

Straight ahead was a monolithic archway with a large sign above it saying ‘UNDERWORLD IMMIGRATION CONTROL’ and a smaller sign underneath it labeled ‘EXPECTED WAIT TIME - SIX TO EIGHT CENTURIES.’

“The real journey begins here, folks,” said Aug, who was a taller asian man with glasses. “With long queues and sheaves of paperwork.”

“Fuck.” Draedon, Alien, and Shand all summed it up perfectly with only a single word.

~[o0o]~

Parking their motorcycles in the parking lot, the eleven souls start grabbing the equipment latched onto their bikes before taking the opportunity to relax for a few minutes. Once they were done, they entered the immigration center.

“So, do any of you all have _any_ degree of input as to what is going on here? Cause, I’m pretty sure I was _not_ in Hell yesterday.” Ralts spoke abruptly. Everyone stopped in their tracks and pondered on what the actual fuck was going on.

“I...have no clue.” Draven said.

“Same.” Draedon asserted.

“I’m just as lost as you are.” Shand replied.

Ralts sighed. “Okay, but can we like, _possibly_ slow down a bit here and ask ourselves _why_ we can suddenly throw fireballs around and teleport?”

“Okay, well, what’s the last thing that everyone remembers before coming here?” Shand asks the interim party.

“I have been dodging trucks for the past week, encountering them in increasingly ridiculous scenarios, until I finally got hit by one the moment I stepped out of my apartment. On the eighth floor, no less.” Aug explains in an utter monotone.

…

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

“I have been dodging trucks for the past-”

“No, no, that was rhetorical. Ah, nevermind.” Ralts huffed.

Draedon sighed. “Okay, guess it’s my turn.” He says while leaning back on the wall as Aug and Ralts stopped to listen. “So, last thing I remember is that I was walking down this sidewalk in North Carolina. The next, I’ve got a big ass chunk of metal bisecting me. I woke up here not long after that happened.”

The surrounding party winced, including Draedon himself.

“I was just listening to some music before...well, it felt like I had heartburn or something like that.” Salante stated. “I appeared here not too long after that happened. I blame the Russian Doom Metal I was listening to at that time.”

“Alright, me next.” Alien said. Dusting his hands, he stated quite simply, “I choked on a spider.”

“Wait, that’s it? No heart attacks or getting ran over by trucks on the eighth floor?” Cletus asked.

“Yup. That’s it. Big spider hopped in my mouth and bit me as it went down. It hurt like a bitch.” He gagged slightly as Cletus simply stared back at him, dumbfounded at his insane manner of expiration. It may not have been as crazy as Aug’s, but it was still unique.

Ralts stepped forwards. “I was just sleeping. I don’t really know how I got here, but I just want to go back to sleep.”

“I feel ya, man.” Draedon replied.

“I got burnt to a crisp.” Quinn supplied. “Please don’t ask why.”

The party respected his wishes and moved on to the last five members who had yet to explain their final moments in detail.

“I was eating pussy, and she clamped my head in between her thighs. Except she didn’t let go and I choked to death.” Draven says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

“Well, now we know for sure who got some ‘fore passing on.” joked Alien in an attempt to defuse the situation a bit.

“I think ‘Death By Snu Snu’ is more appropriate here.” Draedon cracked. The surrounding members all chuckled in response to both their jokes.

"And how did you die?" Quinn asked Sloth.

"I fell asleep in court and got sent to death row."

"Guess that nickname of yours fits then.” Cletus chuckled.

Shand sighed before saying, “I got mauled by a bear.”

“Harsh.” Draedon stage-whispered.

“I was just eating a sandwich before bed and woke up here. Not sure what happened to me but I do remember the bread tasting kinda funny.” Cletus stated.

“I think I’m the last one, so I’ll make this one as quick as I can.” Null said. “I’ve got no clue what happened to me. I was just jacking it earlier. Damn, apparently forty-two was really the limit.” He shook his head.

“...you’re telling me you died from whacking it too hard?” Draedon smiled.

“Uh, perhaps?”

“Snrrk.” He chortled as he heard a crash made from Draven doubling over in laughter, holding his stomach as he rolled along the ashy ground.

“You... _you died from fapping?_ Pftt- _hahaha!_ ”

Alien stared straight at Null. “Dude, you need to teach me your technique,” he said with not even an ounce of humor lacing his tone.

“Teach us, please.” Draedon cried out in laughter.

Null, meanwhile, was looking away from the group, even if he could not stop grinning just from the sheer absurdity of his death.

It was only after a few minutes of intense laughter that they all finally calmed down and proceeded onwards. Just as they stepped through the door though, Shand held up an arm. “Hold up,” he whispered to the group.

The others exchanged looks of confusion between themselves before Cletus decided to ask. “What is it?”

Shand answered by pointing to their two o’clock. “Do you guys recognize her?”

A few shook their heads, but the rest couldn’t believe their eyes. Right in front of their eyes, in all her glory, was Pandemonica, one of Hell’s customer service representatives.

“Is...Is that who I _think_ it is.?” Draedon broke the staunch silence with his question.

“Hell’s sleepiest and most sadistic customer service agent? Yes, that’s exactly who you think it is.” Draven says with a smile, a look of desire in his eyes. “Which means the best demon Waifu is out there.” He pointed to the door that Pandemonica was next to.

“Sweet, dibs on Justice,” Salante didn’t even hesitate to make the first move.

“I’m taking Lucifer, and none of you cucks can stop me. Not even the guy who died masturbating.” A cry of indignation was heard from behind them in response to Draedon’s statement.

Alien scoffed. “Take whoever you want, so long as you don’t touch my Fly-Mommy.”

Sloth stared at him in disbelief. “I totally would have argued there, but you calling her ‘Fly Mommy’ instantly ruined her for me. _Forever._ Judgement.”

Draven simply raised his face to the ceiling and screamed, the dubstep yell sounding oddly similar to the word ‘CERBERUS’ as the ceiling cracked where the sound waves hit. Thankfully, the screams were masked by what looked to be a lost soul yelling to Pandemonica. She appeared unfazed.

“I’m not really interested in any of the Helltaker girls honestly,” Cletus admits with a shrug of his shoulders. “They just aren’t my thing, especially since there are probably better options around.”

“Speak for yourself, Cletus. I’m sneaking into Hell so I can get Lucifer. You better wish me luck.” Draedon said.

“Whatever floats your boat, fam.” Cletus responds with a roll of his eyes.

Draven looks towards the door, scratching his chin. “Think there’s any way for us to get through there without dealing with all this immigration bullshit?”

Cletus, being the autistic little shit that he is, couldn’t help himself from saying something incredibly stupid.

“Life, uh...finds a way?”

“In case you haven’t noticed pal, we aren’t exactly alive anymore. Dumbass.” Draven snarks back with no real bite to his words.

“I’m still wondering how I basically got telefragged in real-life…” Draedon mumbles under his breath. He recollects himself and says to the squad, “Okay, we need a plan to get past Pandemonica. Among all of us, who is the greatest bullshit artist and-or most socially competent?”

While everyone is looking at each other, Alien raises his hands up in mock surrender. “Don’t look at me. I’m the strategy guy, not the people guy.”

Draven wiggles his hand around as he says, “I can bullshit with the best of them, just fucking bad with social shit.”

“That might extend to most of us, actually.” Draedon promptly realizes.

“Roll for the scapegoat, then?” Salante was all too ready to throw someone under the metaphorical bus to save his own hide.

“I got the dice.” Cletus says as he pulls a hand-sized container full of dice out of his pocket.

“Why the fuck do you have dice in your pocket?” Draedon asks him.

“Cause I forgot to grab them from my last D&D session and had to go pick them back up again?” Cletus says.

“I never really understood why people got so crazy over D&D. I’ll have to play it at some point if I ever return to Earth or if Hell has what I need for it. Hopefully.”

“Eh, I can DM no problem. Got used to it.” Alien shrugs.

“I guess people just have their own hobbies. Cletus, can you roll?” Draedon asks as he silently prays for it to _not be him._

“Sure, but we need to decide on everyone’s number first don’t we?” Cletus responds back with a smirk.

“I’ll be number one, then.” Draedon decides.

After a few minutes of deciding which number each person should choose, the dice was finally set. Cletus flipped the die into the air and it landed on-

“A seven?” Shand said out loud as everybody looked towards the one who had been chosen by the die.

“What?” Sloth recoiled.

“Guess you’re the distraction then.” Salante pushed Sloth past the alcove they had hidden inside of and formed a wall with Alien and Ralts to make sure he couldn't get back inside.

Sloth grumbled but still strode forwards towards the desk with a smooth charismatic mien in his step, a hallmark of his natural personality lighting his way.

Salante and Alien exchanged a look. “Think he’ll survive?” Asked Sal.

“We’re already dead, not much to lose.”

“True, I suppose. At least he’s got his charisma going for him.” Salante said.

“Guys,” piped up Ralts. “Get a load of this.”

They all turned to look at the reception, where they immediately noticed a light dusting of pink on Pandemonica’s face as Sloth smooth-talked her. A shove from behind returned the three of them to reality, courtesy of Draedon.

“Come on, let’s go!” He urged.

“Damn, he’s smooth,” noted Aug as they all slinked out of their hidey-hole and past the check-in.

~[o0o]~

Just outside of the immigration building, everyone stopped in unison as a thought passed through their minds.

“And Sloth?”

Thankfully they didn’t have to wonder for too long, as Sloth walked out behind them with a confident swagger, and waved a small piece of paper clutched in his fingers. His facial expression told a different story entirely.

“I’ll be honest. I have no idea how that worked, and how I got away with her number.” He seemed entirely unsure how that went down the way it did, but he wasn’t complaining.

“Well, I suppose that means Sloth is gonna get Pandemonica then.” Draedon said. “Anyways, we need to continue forwards. Any idea on where to go now? I don’t have a single clue about this city.”

“Maybe we just wander around? That’s as good an idea as any.” Shand supplied as Draedon shrugged.

“Guess it’s settled then.” Alien stated as he looked out over the city they had found themselves in. “We each head our separate ways and try to make a path to our waifus.”

“I’m...not so sure about that,” Cletus admits while fidgeting and looking around nervously. “I for one don’t handle unfamiliar environments well, especially not on my own.”

“Then how about we go together? Maybe two to a team or more?” Null suggests.

Draven says, “I don’t really care either way. It makes no difference to me.”

“Very well, teaming up it is.” Sloth says.

“Hmm, I’ll have to see what kind of girls I manage to run into. I haven’t fully set in stone who I actually want to pursue.” Cletus says off-handedly. “I’ve kinda been busy you know, getting mentally adjusted to the fact that I am unironically in a pop-fiction version of Hell.”

“I’m going for Cerberus!” Draven announced proudly.

“...which one?” Draedon casually asks Draven.

“ _Yes._ ” Draven deadpans, doing his best impression of a retarded fish high on meth and on the hardest of liquors.

“All of them, then.” Draedon disregards his answer and turns to the rest of the group. “Now, we need to put everybody into teams. Who’s going with who?”

It took a few minutes of disorganized chatter to get everybody into place, but it was done without any real rush on their part. They still had time, after all.

The ultimate team turnouts led to Null, Draedon, Salante, Aug, and Quinn going off on their own, while Cletus, Draven, Alien, Sloth, and Shand took another way. They all agreed to reconvene at their starting spot about an hour later for safety reasons, and everyone went off with their respective team.

~[o0o]~

While Sloth walked with a calm gait and Cletus followed along mesmerized by Hell’s cragged architecture, Shand and Alien had to run around to keep Draven from causing any more structural damage to the city.

“Cerberus is on the third circle you fuckwad!” Groaned Alien as he held back Draven from running off.

In response, Draven squirmed some more. “ _I KNOW!_ ” He yelled, forcing Shand to duck to avoid getting his head blasted to smithereens. “That’s where I’m going! Now let me gooOO _OOOOOOOOO!_ ”

“Draven, please,” Shand sighed. “You’ll just get lost out here. We have all the time in Hell to do what we want, we’ll get to Cerberus too, just have some patience for fuck’s sake.”

Cletus, meanwhile, ignored what everyone else was doing and simply gazed upon the monolithic spires of twisting glass and steel, the skyscrapers of the first circle of hell looming menacingly in the distance.

“This is certainly not what I expected out of Hell’s architecture, where’s all the gothic imagery? All the edgy shit like spikes and skulls? All this modernist crap is literally just as soulless-looking as anything on Earth.” He mumbled to himself. “Which begs the question of which came first, Earth in Hell or Hell on Earth?”

He was so deep in his own musings that he didn’t notice Sloth coming up from behind until he started speaking. “I don’t know, and really I’m not gonna bother coming up with an answer. We have more important stuff to deal with, for example-” he gestured to his clothes, which were just a bright orange jumpsuit “-clothes. And not just me.” He began to count on his fingers. “Quinn’s clothes are charred, Alien and is running around in his PJs, Shand’s clothes are torn up, Ralts and Draven are only in their boxers! We need to fix ourselves up...getting some weapons might be a good idea too.” He added as an afterthought.

Cletus slowly nodded, taking in his companion’s situations- _he had to do a double-take._ Did Draven seriously knee Alien in the family jewels?

“That’s what you fucking get!” Yelled Draven, face red with anger, his veins threatening to burst open before his nuts do.

Cletus and Sloth quickly ran over to them, the former checking on Alien while the latter helped Shand restrain the furious Draven.

“Just what has gotten into you, man?” Sloth grunted as he struggled to keep hold of Draven’s arm.

Draven continues to strain himself against their hold, letting out the occasional shout of aggression. “I’m killing you first, you fucking cunt!”

A few feet away, Cletus tried to help Alien stand up, though without much success. The latter looked up at the threat. “Dude, what’s your problem? I just said Cerberus might be too much for you alone, for fuck’s sake.”

Draven looked feral and a snarl crosses his face, “Cerberus is fucking mine, you think I can’t handle her, you’ll fucking see. I’ll have her on her knees begging for more before you fucking even get a glimpse of your ‘Fly Mummy’.”

Alien gave a mix between a groan and a chuckle. “Don’t doubt it. Like, how am I even going to get into the Abyss?” He finally managed to stand up on his own, though Cletus was still standing nearby just in case. “And you can keep your doggos, enjoy the heart attacks.”

Just as Draven was about to lay into Alien again, Shand placed himself between the two. “Enough already!” He quickly slapped both of them upside the head. “While you guys are here trying to kill each other, Hell is getting ready to kill all of us again. Now apologize, _children._ ”

Draven only glared back.

Alien took a step forward. “I suppose I did start this whole thing, so I’ll go first. I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean to imply what came out, I didn’t even mean it in a sexual manner.”

Draven quirked an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“I’m serious. It’s still a three versus one. Even if you can handle them romantically, they are still _Cerberus_ , the guardian of hell. Who says they won’t be hostile? And then what? It’s still a needless danger, one that you were about to run into blindly.”

They were both quiet for a moment. A huff from Draven broke the stalemate. “Sure, fine, whatever you say. Guess I’m sorry too about kneeing you in the dick or whatever.” He looked away, shaking his head. “I can handle them,” he grumbled under his breath.

~[o0o]~

On the opposite side of the First Circle was the other group that had split off from the main party. Striding together with a relaxed amble, the faces and visages of Draedon, Null, Quinn, Salante, and Aug analyzed the surrounding area for any landmarks that could point them to their next destination.

“Is it just me, or you all having this nagging feeling of forgetting something as well? Not sure why, but I don’t think we’ve forgotten anything important. Well, important enough that I’d only get a slight feeling.” Draedon asked the rest of the band.

"Murphy is going to get you for that one, Drae.” Quinn chided him.

Draedon huffed. “Maybe, but isn’t it better to at least _have_ that feeling? Means you lost something useful and are going to need it.” He clarified.

“Who says it’s important?” Quinn quirked his brow.

“Oh, I don’t know, how about my intuition?” Draedon sarcastically snarked.

“Intuition? You sure you got that?” Quinn inquired.

“Come on, are you not feeling it as well? We’ve lost something, I’m _sure of it._ ” Draedon reassured everyone of his thoughts.

“Yeah sure, whatever you say, mate.” Quinn said offhandedly.

The gang continued onwards, not straying too much on the slight banter between Quinn and Draedon. Eventually, they reached a small establishment. More specifically, a diner.

“You all in the mood for some grub?” Null piped up.

“We don’t have any money.” Draedon said blandly. “Unless they don’t take money or something, but capitalism seems to infect everything, even Hell.”

“What are you, fourteen?” Null snarked in a slightly condescending tone

“No, just sounds like something Cletus would say.” Draedon shrugged.

Quinn sighed. After some deliberation, it was decided that they would enter the restaurant, if not to grab some food to eat than to ask around for information.

Grabbing hold of the doorknob and pulling it towards him, Salante entered the diner, which surprisingly did not have ash lining the counters or seats.

Once they had sat down at the clean table, Null spoke first.

“So, can we finally talk about what’s going on? I’ve got, like, a few hundred questions to ask all of you.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing, to be completely honest.” Quinn spoke up. “Anyone got any ideas on what’s happening?”

“The first thought that came to my mind a few hours ago was ‘isekai power fantasy,’ but I’m not sure how applicable that term is now.” Draedon groaned. “Well, besides the unfortunate side-effect of us somehow getting thrown into Hell, this place does seem pretty nice at first glance. That is, when you remove all the demon zombies and stuff. It’s just a hellscape now, no pun intended.”

“How did we get into Hell anyways?” Salante asked rhetorically. However, Null indirectly responded to his question with yet another question.

“Do you think that we _should_ be here?”

The group sat in silence for another minute before Draedon said, “No,” He sighed. “I’m not exactly a religious guy. In fact, I’d consider myself agnostic, but this experience just sorta broke my brain for a few minutes when I first got here.”

The rest of the party remained in silence until Salante broke it.

“Actually, I’ve been wondering what’s going on with these powers we’ve gained.” Salante flexed his fist as he morphed into...a panda?

“What.” Said Null and Draedon flatly.

Salante blinks his now panda-fied eyes and turns back into a human. “I...don’t think I was expecting that. It was almost...instinctual. Anyways, you get the point. Weird powers, we’re in Hell, something has to be going on here.”

“I’ve already experimented with my ‘ability’ a little bit. I can teleport.” Draedon states proudly before he winces. “Sort of hurts if I do it too much though. And yeah, something is definitely fishy here.”

Null spoke up. “I haven’t had a chance to use what I _think_ my power is, but I’m pretty confident in my assumption. Does anyone have some sort of power that creates something, like making fire or something like that?”

“I guess you could try it on Salante.” Draedon suggests. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“It’s as good an idea as any.” Salante shrugs before shapeshifting into a panda. Null focused on Salante for a few seconds before activating his power. Salante began to rapidly morph back into a human from his panda form.

“Guess that explains it.” Aug commented dryly. “Nullification. Fitting.”

Null sighed. “That’s what I thought too...at least it’s good?”

“I suppose.” Draedon said. “Alright, Aug, you’re next.” Aug perked up a bit but still maintained an impassive expression. He told Null and Salante to use their powers again while Aug tapped a finger against Null. Once Null activated his Nullification ability, Salante’s transformation took noticeably less time than before.

“Amplification.” Aug stated. “I can amplify the powers of everyone else within a set range.”

“Does this apply to everyone in that range or just a single person?” Salante asked.

“Only a single person can be amped at a time. My current range appears to be around fifteen meters.”

Draedon hummed. “Okay, Quinn, you’re next; and I suppose you’re last as well.” He turned his head over to Quinn. Quinn merely turned over to the empty seat next to Draedon and dashed forwards in a blast of white light _._ He consequently smacked his face hard on the seat and slid down to the floor.

“...” Draedon was speechless. It wasn’t long before everyone at the table - sans Aug, who had merely smiled - burst out laughing. Once everyone had stopped laughing at Quinn’s inexplicable failure, Quinn began to explain what he thought his power was.

“I’m pretty sure I can just turn into motes of light...I guess it’s good..” Quinn briefly explains.

“Does that mean you can move at the speed of light? If I exclude your failed stunt, that is.” Draedon inquired curiously, and with a hint of sarcasm.

“I don’t know.”

Draedon sighed. “Right, well, is there anything else?” He asked the group. Everyone at the table had denied any more questions, but their peaceful silence wouldn’t be there for much longer, as one of the chefs had come up to their table.

“Oi, can I get you lost souls anything?” The red-skinned man drawled to the table.

After a few seconds of deliberation on what to say, Aug stated, “No. We were just leaving.”

The leathery demon shouted at them, “Well then, get out, ye ungrateful customers!” The party promptly vacated their seats and exited the establishment.

“That’s Hell’s Kitchen alright. What the hell passes for currency around here anyways?” Draedon mumbled. “At least the tables were clean.”

Null grumbled. “Would’ve liked some food. Let’s just keep exploring, We’ve got around forty-five minutes before we have to head back anyway.”

The five-man group nodded in agreement.

~[o0o]~

“I…have some doubts on this,” muttered Alien. “I mean, I get that we don’t have much of a choice, but do we need to do it in broad daylight?”

All he got was blank looks from everyone.

“Fam, have you tried looking up lately?” Cletus asks as politely as he can.

Turning his gaze skyward, Alien saw a ceiling of reddish stone. He looked down to the others again, confused.

“Time of day is kind of a meaningless concept in a place where it can’t be determined through traditional methods like the positioning of celestial objects,” explained Cletus with a sigh.

“Huh.”

Everyone shared an exasperated look and proceeded to brainstorm a plan to gather enough clothes for everyone, mainly due to most of the party dying in a less than presentable way. They’d already spotted a clothes shop, but they’d quickly realized that they had no money to buy said clothes with. Therefore, they had to rely on good old-fashioned stealing.

“Hey Sloth,” began Draven, distinctly calmer than before. “Think you’re up for running distraction again?”

A groan came from him, but he nodded nonetheless. “Fine. I’ll keep the owner distracted, you guys sneak in and steal some stuff. Just don’t take too long.”

As Sloth approached the shop, the others followed a short distance away. He pushed the door open, a bell’s jingle ringing out from above his head. From the shop’s back, someone called out.

“Just a moment dearie, I’ll be right with you!”

Sloth looked around, noticing the fortunate lack of any other clients in the store. After quickly gesturing for everyone to sneak inside, he let the door close and made his way closer to where the voice had come from.

The entrance to the shop’s back was quite larger than any other Sloth had seen before. That couldn’t be a good sign, he assumed. Either the store’s owner was something bigger than a human, or there were enough large-sized denizens in Hell to warrant bigger doors and passages. Now that he thought about it, the front door to the shop was also larger than normal, though he hadn’t paid any mind to it at the moment.

He was jolted out of his thoughts as the sound of several pairs of steps approached. It wasn’t normal steps, they were more similar to heels - and even that wasn’t quite right. It was a much heavier sound than that.

The curtain separating the front and back of the shop parted revealing a humanoid body on top of eight chitinous legs and a very large abdomen: a spider-human hybrid - no, she had horns. A spider-demon hybrid. An Arachne, perhaps? It was as good a name as any, Sloth supposed.

With a deep breath, he put on a confident facade.

Meanwhile, Cletus, Alien, and Shand were piling up as many clothes as they could reasonably bring with themselves, while Draven kept a hard watch for any observers.

“I really hope this is like some kind of hell-equivalent of a chain store, cause I might just feel guilty otherwise.” Cletus whispers while grabbing a robe from one of the hangers.

“If it ain’t, we can just come back when we have the money and pay her back,” Alien reassured him while folding a pair of pants on top of his pile. He was interrupted by Shand elbowing his side.

“We don’t have the time to be so precise! Just throw it on the pile and keep-” he was interrupted as well by Draven.

“Guys move it, they’re coming this way!” He frantically whispered, gesturing behind himself.

Everyone looked like deers caught by a car’s headlights once they processed the news, and in a panic, they picked up everything they could. They scurried towards the door, Draven hanging back to keep an eye out. Just as Sloth and the store’s owner rounded the aisle, he jumped through the clothes and out of sight.

A flash of movement caught the owner’s attention. “Huh?” She muttered, looking over to where she was sure something had moved. The only thing out of the norm was a few clothes swaying.

“Must’ve been the wind,” she muttered, turning her attention back to Sloth. The young human was such a charming gentleman~

“That was way too close.” Cletus says once all four of them are safely outside, everyone else giving their own form of agreement.

A scant few minutes later, everyone had changed. Some clothes were a bit baggy or tight, but it was better than nothing.

“I’m actually surprised they even had some military surplus in that store.” Cletus says as he adjusts his Soviet army cap. “Not really all that sure about this robe though, I might have misjudged its size a bit but it’s still comfy regardless.”

“At least you’re happy,” groaned Alien as he pulled at his hoodie’s neck. “I mean, look at this thing.” He motioned at his hoodie’s front, the words ‘Bad Bitch’ scrawled on it. It was also a size smaller than he would’ve liked.

Shand huffed. “Really, we should be glad to have this much at least. When you have the money you can go and be picky, but for now, this will do just fine.” He slipped a beanie over his head and peeked out of the alley. “Still no signs of Sloth though. We might have to go back.”

Just as he finished speaking, they heard yelling coming from the shop. The door opened abruptly, and Sloth came barreling out, followed by a shout of “And don’t you dare show your face again!”

With the group finally reunited, and Sloth looking like a semi-normal person again, Alien had to ask.

“What happened back there? You looked like you were doing fine.”

Sloth sighed. “Well, at first I flirted with her a bit, and she took it a bit too seriously. Once she started offering to show me to her place, I had to let her down. As you heard, she didn’t take it well,” he finished shaking his head.

Alien gave him a pat on the back, followed by an awkward chuckle. “Well, you got out of there safely, so I guess this was a success.” He looked at the others. “Should we go back to the others?”

A round of nods followed, and they were on their way.

~[o0o]~

After the two groups had finished their exploration of the First Circle of Hell, Limbo, they all reconvened at the place where they exited the immigration center.

“I guess we know who we were missing then,” Draedon says blandly as he stared at Ralts, who was sleeping on a bench with Pandemonica lying next to him. “Of course it’s Ralts. It’s _always_ Ralts.” He shook his head.

“Still though,” began Null “I have a question.” Once everyone - sans Ralts - turned to him, he continued. “What now?”

Draedon tapped his chin in thought. “Good question. Best I can think of is to get used to our powers before getting into as much trouble as possible.” He gained a wicked grin on his face after he stated this.

“And gather the waifus?” Piped up Draven.

“And gather the waifus.” He affirmed.

~[o0o]~

**Alien’s AN: Well then. I haven’t updated a thing in…a while. Then this idea came while I was hanging out with a bunch of friends over at The Dark Wolf Shiro’s discord server, and this thing came out. I’m going to be posting this on Questionable Questing, while Jarl Draven will post on AO3 and Draedon will post on FanFiction. There’s not going to be any significant changes to the stories, but by all means, go on and check out their stories: they’re great.**

**Draven AN: So this is...something. Basically, the guys that are almost always in the music chat for Shiro’s discord decided to get together and make this monstrosity. And I have no fucking clue what is going on. I, Jarl Draven, will be posting on AO3, while my friends Alien-kun and Draedon will be posting on QQ and FFN respectively. I have no fucking clue where this came from so don’t ask.**

**Draedon’s AN: This might as well be Hell. Literally from a literary standpoint and from a cracky standpoint. It wasn’t hard to write, not at all, but it was fun to mess with and I did enjoy making it. Thanks for reading this chapter, but know that this fic is not meant to be taken seriously** **_at all._ ** **This is just eleven people on the Discord Server fucking around with plot bunnies.**

**Cletus’s AN: To be honest most of the work I did on the first chapter of… whatever this project of ours ultimately ends up being, was on adjusting existing dialogue that my co-authors had written to be more in line with how I would likely respond in the given situation. For the most part, I’m just here for the ride and will most certainly be enjoying said ride the whole way through.**

**Augentism’s AN: Although** **I'm responsible** **for a couple of the gag’s, the majority of the work was not done by me. I’m here mostly to try and inject some ideas from other verses that the primary authors may not be familiar with. Completely honest, I** **'m not** **really sure how I ended up here. I hadn’t really interacted with much of the crew up until they decided to start this fic. This is actually my first time trying writing of any form that will actually get posted, since every other time I write I end up cringing on the reread and just deleting everything.**

**Character Bio:**

**Name: Draven**

**Nationality: Angry Northerner (Scottish)**

**Height and Weight:** **_Shrug_ **

**Horny Level: Incalculable**

**Power:**

**[Scream]**

**The aptly named Scream allows Draven to scream loud enough to shatter almost any known material given enough time. Instead of being a regular scream, however, it sounds like Dubstep music.**

**That’s it. The next chapter will be out whenever.**

**-Draedon, Cletus, Alien, Shand, Draven, Sloth, Ralts, Quinn, Null, Salante, and Augentism.**


	2. Chapter 2

Rather than try to wake Ralts up on the spot, and possibly get in trouble with Pandemonica, the group instead split into two teams. One team picked up Ralts and dragged him away, the other made sure that Pandemonica wouldn’t be jostled around.

A few minutes later, with Ralts awake again, Null called a ‘team meeting’.

“Ok everyone, we should all come clear about our abilities with each other if we’re going to work together. We-” he motioned towards himself, Salante, Augentism, Draedon and Quinn “-shared with each other before, so let’s just get it out of the way.”

After quickly explaining their powers, Null turned to Draven, Sloth, Cletus, Shand and Alien. “So, what about you guys?”

Draven shouted into the air, a few notes from “Rock ‘n Roll” by Skrillex coming out instead of his voice. The sheer volume and the shockwave generated by it forced everyone to take a step back.

“...Right. Almost forgot,” he conceded.

Shand stepped forth, giving an annoyed glance at Draven as he passed by him. Then he produced a revolver out of nowhere. “To keep it short: I can copy the moves of fictional cowboys… though considering where we are, they might not be that fictional anymore. Still, the more kills I score the stronger I get, and the more powerful are the people I can copy. For example…” he pointed at a white flower pot sitting on a windowsill, and then shot the completely other way.

“What was that even-” Null was interrupted by Shand holding up one finger.

A series of pings and bangs rang out from all over, and then a crash as the bullet hit the pot straight in the center.

“Trickshot,” Shand finished with a smug grin.

Everyone gave a small round of applause.

“Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.” Shand bowed.

Alien came stumbling forth. “Ass,” he muttered, though it was drowned out by Draven’s cackle. 

“Come on Alien, I’m curious. What’s the ‘strategy man’ got?” He asked.

Alien rolled his eyes, and picked up a rock. “Sure, get a good look.” He threw the rock up, and as it came down he slammed his fists into it. A bang rang out as the rock crumbled to gravel.

“It’s not quite super strength, though,” he explained. “I can increase the power of any impact I create, so you can think of me as a weaker All Might without the time limit.”

“Huh… is that limited to your hands?” Null asked, curious about such a broad power’s applications.

“Not really, no. I might be able to even walk on air when strong enough… though that’s theoretical.” Alien shrugged. “It’s a good power. Generic, but with some good potential.”

Just as Cletus was going to follow up, someone screamed. Someone who sounded familiar to a certain member of their group. “Who is making all this racket?”

Everyone retreated in an alley, just in time to avoid the gaze of a spider-demon peering from her window. After a few moments, she moved away.

The group gave a collective sigh of relief.

“Hey,” began Alien. “Wasn’t she like on the other side of town?”

Sloth nodded. “Yeah, she probably still is. She did mention a sister…” he shivered. “Among other things.”

“Like what?” he pressed on, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sloth answered, voice flat and devoid of any emotion.

~[0o0]~

Normally she didn’t bother much with rumors… unless they could lead her to someone she could have some fun with. But this one promised to be interesting.

A group of souls, apparently managing to bypass the immigration check-in, and with a much higher capacity of Will than most souls. Sure, it wasn’t unheard of, but it was at most one or two souls: not  _ eleven _ .

So much Will meant multiple things: from a desire to leave Hell - which would be almost impossible, as they needed Lucifer’s permission - or any other drive to do anything… it could be even lust. And if it was… She’d get that twelvesome, or her name wasn’t Modeus.

~[0o0]~

Limbo was a rather nice place, for being in Hell. There was even a park. Well-kept, green grass, trees, the whole shebang. The group could see other souls and demons, in small groups or alone, going around enjoying the greenery. Although…

“...why is there a playground here?” Aug asked, voice tense.

“Demon kids, maybe?” Suggested Null.

“...yeah. Sure. That’s gotta be it,” he conceded. To not think about it, he changed the discussion. “So, what is the plan now? I mean, ‘get waifus’ and all that, but… how do we go about doing that?”

Everyone turned towards Draedon and Alien. The latter recoiled back.

“Hey, what are you looking at us for?” He asked.

“Well,” Sloth began “you two have been taking the lead until now, and it’s been going somewhat decently. So really, why not?”

The duo exchanged a glance, and with a suffering sigh they stepped back to discuss things together. In the meantime, everyone tried to listen in.

“...circles… layout… don’t know…”

“...unpredictable… need…”

“...the others… ready?”

After that, their whispering became too hushed and frantic to make any sense. So, most of the group relented and just waited patiently. Some sat on the ground, others found a nearby bench, and others were content standing.

As they waited, they didn’t take notice of two other souls coming nearby.

Null was calmly resting against a tree, when he heard someone clearing their voice next to him. He looked up, and saw a young man followed closely by a much older woman… maybe his grandmother? They were dressed in an old-fashioned way, with clothes that would have seen more use in the late nineteenth century. It was the man who spoke first, tipping his top hat at Null and revealing  _ dark blue hair _ ?

“Pardon my rudeness, sir, but would I be under the correct assumption that you and your companions are new to this layer of Hell?” He asked, his voice even and restrained.

He nodded, unsure of where this was going. He was also a tad intimidated by the man’s size, standing well over a head taller than him and over twice his width in muscle.

“Oh, I see. Well, firstly allow us to give you our welcome. I assure you that it’s not such a bad place as is expected - you can clearly see it all around us.” The soul continued, his tone warmer. “Also, I must warn you: there have been voices of a band of rascals running around causing disturbances left and right. There have been no real descriptions of them, so I would advise utmost caution. Also, do try to be on your best behavior: the High Prosecutor has been quite on edge as of late, and won’t take to troublemakers lightly.”

“That’s very helpful sir, thanks a lot. I’ll be sure to share with my friends.” They shook hands, and the duo left. He could still hear them jovially bickering.

“Oh, you and your ‘duty’. I’m sure that they can take care of themselves, Jonathan.”

“Nonsense! You know how Miss Judgement gets. I wouldn’t be worth calling a gentleman if I were to abandon anyone without a warning!”

~[0o0]~

“Ok guys!” Announced Draedon. “We have a plan!”

Null quickly ran up and interrupted him. “Yeah, uh, that’s great and all but mind if I say something real quick?”

Although he was a tad miffed, Draedon still let him continue.

“Ok, so. I’ve been told that there’s already talk of us around Limbo, and apparently us causing trouble is pissing off Judgement. I’d suggest laying low for a while, or getting out of dodge.” He then nodded to Draedon. “That’s all, go on.”

Draedon frowned. “Well, that will be a pain to deal with. But with some care, our plan should still work out. Here’s the idea: anyone with coding knowledge will help out Cletus make some spells to prepare for the trip, the rest of us will be gathering intel to find the next circle.” He gave a pointed look at Draven as he continued. “Since we don’t have any demons on our side yet, we won’t have anyone to guide us, therefore we must be extremely careful.  _ So no running off. _ ” He stopped for a moment.

“We can’t afford to attract anymore attention to ourselves, so as Null said we need to lay low until we’re ready to defend ourselves properly,” continued Alien.

To say that the others weren’t very impressed would be an understatement.

“Really? That’s what you got after planning so much?” Draven was the first to voice his opinion. “Could’ve come up with that shit in my sleep, for fuck’s sake.” He went to take a step forward, but a hand planted itself on his shoulder.

“What I believe Draven wanted to say,” started Sloth, “is that this plan seems to be rather lacking in actual substance. Shouldn’t we try to come up with something more concrete?”

Murmurs of agreement came from all around.

~[0o0]~

“Hey Null,” began Alien while the others were still discussing.

“Huh, what is it?”

“Where did you hear that stuff about Judgement and whatnot, anyways?” He asked.

“Well, there was this one really tall guy. He had blue hair, built like a brickhouse, I think his name was Jonathan?”

Alien blinked. And then he did so again, for good measure. “Are- are you saying that you spoke to  _ Jonathan Joestar _ ? The chaddest of chads? That Jonathan?”

Null wordlessly shrugged.

“Oh, well.” Alien sighed. “I’m not sure how much Hamon could help out against demons… hold up.  _ Quinn can literally slice through them like butter _ .”

The two’s eyes bugged out at the thought.

“GUYS WE HAVE NEWS!”

~[0o0]~

“I don’t understand any of this.”

“Come on, Alien, it’s not that complex,” Aug tried to explain. “The Sowilo rune initializes the main cycle, then the Kaunaz function heats up the target, followed by Dagaz - both normal and reverse - to represent a short wait, and finally Isa cools down the target!”

Alien’s answer was paired with a dry look. “There’s a reason why I dropped out of Computer Science, Aug.”

While Aug, Quinn and Null were all helping Cletus come up with spells, Alien was left without much to contribute to due to his inability to comprehend anything beyond the bare basics of what was being talked about. Therefore, he went on to explore the rest of the library they’d stumbled upon earlier.

He lazily eyed the shelves, not really expecting anything to catch his interest. And yet…

“What’s this?” he whispered to himself. “ _ Beginner’s guide to spellcraft by Merlin _ … well, if it’s not a dud then might as well take it.”

Turning around, he was about to return to the others, though his eyes happened to notice something poking out from underneath one of the bookshelves. He crouched down, and picked up the book. An amused grin appeared on his face as he read the title.

“ _ How to draw hentai, featuring Saber _ . I didn’t actually think this book existed.” He shrugged, and held onto it as he returned to the others. Although…

“Why is it so rigid? It’s not a hardback copy.” 

He attempted to bend the book, and by all rights he should’ve been able to, but he still found that it posed some resistance. Once he opened the book, though, he found the answer. The book had been hollowed out, and inside the cavity where once were the pages, sat another book.

Alien had to do a double-take.

“Why? Why would you do such a thing?” He asked himself. “Why would anyone destroy such a magnificent piece of culture?”

The hidden book, about as big as his hand, was bound in black leather with white and yellow accents, no title on its cover. With a sigh he opened it. Every page he flipped to was empty, except the first one. On it, was an index.

_ Akashic Tome _

_ 1 - A soul’s guide to Hell _

_ 2 - How to draw hentai featuring Saber _

_ 3 - ……….. _

_ 4 - ……….. _

As he kept looking down, the numbers seemed infinite, yet all of them were blank except for the first two. Just as Alien’s eyes locked onto the first entry, the pages flipped by themselves.

_ A soul’s guide to Hell _

  1. _Eis_



_ Circle 1: Limbo _

_ So, you just died and have made your way through the highway to Hell. Sucks to be you, I guess. But now you don’t know what to do, do you? Alright, buckle up kid. _

_ The first circle is Limbo, pretty easy. If you did only minor sins you’re staying here, and should consider yourself lucky: it gets worse very quickly. Now, if you went through the immigration check-in you should have your documents and have been assigned a home. From there it’s like on Earth: get a job and live your life… or un-life, I suppose. _

_ Though I suppose I should talk also about being a soul. _

As he kept reading, Alien learned about Hell’s first circle and on what being a soul entailed. Apparently gaining abilities was normal for souls that had no special trait in life, and the intensity of a power was dependent on one’s willpower… whatever that meant.

Still, even though the average demon in Limbo could rip apart humans with ease, it seemed that their abilities gave the group the edge needed to go toe-to-toe with them. Though according to the book’s descriptions, they really needed to get stronger before attempting to go lower.

And yeah, the book detailed  _ even _ where to find the entrances to the lower levels. Not that he’d tell anyone else just yet. They were  _ sooo _ not ready, it wasn’t even funny.

Not seeing anyone else around, Alien hid the small book under his hoodie and brought the other one to the ‘spellcrafting club’.

~[0o0]~

Shand’s gun flashed twice as another demon dropped to the ground, its head nothing more than a mangled mess. He grimaced at the smell of blood and sulfur permeating the air.

They’d had the great idea to explore outside of Limbo, into the first circle proper… and promptly got attacked by a bunch of feral demons, though thankfully they weren’t particularly strong.

“We’ve got fliers incoming!” Yelled Draedon, as he axe-kicked a demon’s neck. The eyeless beast fell to the ground,

“I think we can-!” Sloth reply was drowned out by the flying demons’ screeches and the beat drop of ‘Cerberus’ as a shockwave tore through their ranks like a hot knife through butter.

Salante didn’t respond; he instead opted to simply swipe and bite at anything that came close to his massive panda form.

With the flying foes being handled by Draven, Shand and Sloth reconvened for a moment. The barrel of Shand’s gun was smoking, and the cylinder glowed with a pale azure light. Behind him, Sloth’s clothes were torn in a few spots and unholy blood covered him, but the wide grin on his face belied the unusual pleasure he felt at mowing down those abominations.

Neither exchanged a word, both men jumping back into the fray after sharing a look.

As he sprinted to and fro, doing his best to not stick to one spot for too long, Shand found his body growing heavier. The unspoken question was answered as the massive panda that was Salante barreled past him, with a small demon clinging to his back.

A small demon that let go immediately after getting shot in the face.

The hordes were thinning out at that point, a thing that Shand made clear to the others. “Almost done! Keep it up!” He pushed his allies forward. He settled himself on an outcrop of stone to provide covering fire for everyone else.

“It’s high noon bitches!” 

~[0o0]~

“Oh, so that’s how it works.” Cletus says after almost having impaled Quinn with an ice lance.

“Fucking hell mate, watch where you’re throwing your damn spells, could ‘ave left a big fucking hole in my chest with that.” The englishman throws back a half-hearted complaint as he gets off the floor and dusts himself off.

“Uhh, guys?” Came Null’s voice.

“What?”

“The librarian seems mighty pissed at our shenanigans and is coming this way.”

The pair turned around, meeting the gaze of a wizened old demon. His eyes were hidden behind thick lenses, but just the sheer oppressive presence coming from him was enough to make everyone tense up.

The old man didn’t actually say anything; instead he simply tapped a sign that said “No magic” before pointing angrily towards the exit with a swift motion of his cane.

Unwilling to anger someone capable of freezing someone with just a look, everyone gathered their things - and Ralts - and vacated the premises.

“Well that was an embarrassing way to get kicked out.” Cletus said while kicking the ground.

“Ah, who cares about that?” Rebuffed Quinn. “The bad part is that we weren’t done with that book.”

“True enough, and now we have to find another place to continue our search.”

A sigh came from their left. The two turned around to see Alien pull out a book from under his hoodie. “Not necessarily. I found this-” he wiggled the book around a moment “-in the library. It apparently can copy whatever book it touches. Took the chance to copy whatever I could get my hands on.”

“How awfully convenient,” mused Null, peering down at the small book.

“I know, right? And it was hidden inside another book… a hentai book. Almost like someone wanted us to find it.” Alien shrugged. “It might be way too convenient, but I’m not going to toss away a freebie like this.”

“Hmm, I think I have a few suspects for the culprit.” Quinn said as his eyes narrowed at one of the titles.

“S. Eis?” Cletus said out loud as his mind took a moment to connect the dots, after which his eyebrows shot towards the sky. “Wait a minute... HOLD THE FUCK UP…!”

“Are you telling me that Shiro  _ motherfucking _ Eis has a hand in this?!” Alien screeched, his mind going a mile a minute.

“Apparently, yes.”

“Ugh…” a groan came from a bench near them, where Ralts was waking up. “What’s with this racket?”

“Shiro Eis, multiverse’s greatest overpowered asshole is apparently real, no biggie.” 

“Oh.” He then laid back down.

“Wow, he’s taking this really well.”

“Unlike you people, I do my screaming internally.”

The remaining four exchanged a look.

“And yet we don’t have a Gamer power. Thanks, Shiro.”

~[0o0]~

If there was one thing Judgement hated about being the High Prosecutor - after having to hurt so many souls, even though for a good reason - was the mountains of paperwork. She was sure that Justice had never had to deal with any of that! She’d never even  _ seen _ Justice do paperwork!

But unfortunately, there wasn’t much she could do about it other than soldier on.

As she went to pick up the last document of the pile - finally - one of her assistants peeked into her office.

“Er, ma’am? I’m sorry to disturb you-”

“OUT WITH IT!” She yelled. Sure, she might feel bad about scaring her like that, but she really didn’t want to waste any more time than she had to before going home.

“Y-yes! We have a new batch of complaints, ma’am!”

Her eyelid wasn’t twitching. She was calm. She was perfectly calm. Her pen didn’t break just now.

“...please tell me it isn’t Limbo  _ again _ .”

A meek nod from the assistant was all the answer she needed.

“LUCIFER DAMNIT!”

~[0o0]~

“Father damn it,” she groused. Not like her ‘beloved father’ would be able to help even if he wanted to. Whoever this… she didn’t even feel comfortable calling him a god, he was something above that. This  _ entity  _ was far stronger than her, and certainly far stronger than ‘big G’.

At the very least he hadn’t come to fight her, or take her place, or… anything, really. She couldn’t have stopped him anyways. All he’d asked for was a deal.

A deal. With her. Lucifer, the CEO of Hell. The Devil.

And even though the mortals had long since made that saying of ‘don’t make deals with the devil’, it still felt like she’d been the one on the losing end.

All she could do now was hope that he would keep to his word…

Not only there was  _ that _ matter weighing on her, but there were also all the rumors coming from Limbo already.

_ “Eleven souls, all given the potential to exceed gods… and for what purpose? One entity’s amusement. I’d pity them, if they weren’t so keen on causing trouble. And they’re not even legally prosecutable, since they legally don’t exist!” _

She settled back into her throne with a huff and took another sip of wine to calm herself.  _ “I can’t end them, but I can still have them processed and shipped off to their respective circles. It’s fine, Lucifer. You have this under control.” _

A cruel smirk grew on her face.

_ “They’ll get what’s coming for them.” _

* * *

**And here is Chapter 2 of this shitstorm. I don’t even know what to call it. Infernal will be updated within the next few days.**

* * *

**Name: Alien (or is it?)**   
**Nationality: Gib blood (romanian)**   
**Height: long boi**   
**Weight: thicc boi**   
**Horny level: surprisingly small**

**Power: [Impact]**

**Alien can amplify the magnitude of any impact he creates, and his body has toughened up to resist the backlash. He can take as much punishment as he gives: a lot.**


End file.
